4th and Inches...It's a Touchdown!

1) Touchdown

Holy crap, Touchdown finally decided to open its doors to the Crawlers. Elliot's been walking past the damn place every weekend, hoping it was open, and it finally was. Not a bad bar. As the name suggests, a lot of football themed decor. Gotta give them points for the peaches as bar snacks. Can't say I've seen that before, but it's a healthier option than the dong kong. It's a second story bar, so there's a nice over-the-street view of the main drag. Heckles would have a field day up there harassing passers-by until they crawled in the gutter and cried.

As you can probably tell from the posts, the Crawl has slowed to, well, a crawl. Some of the motivation is gone, coupled with the fact we'd rather suffer through a hot buttermilk colonic before going into some of the remaining establishments. But we received some encouraging news...The town patrol informed Elliot of the exact number of bars in Songtan. Turns out we overestimated: the actual number is 111. And they're going to set us up with a map. So that means there's 34 to go. We'll knock them out a few at a time and get this thing taken care of once and for all.

In order to shake things up a bit, we decided to head over the bridge, to the "real" Korea - City Hall, Pyongtaek. Since we were rolling with a Korean, we figured this would be a good bet. Shorty's twenty minute walk turned into a good 45 minutes. JK and Luka had to stop for a breather - damn congestive heart failure! Anyway, we finally made it, and hit up this German Beer Garden with yard like contraptions of beer. Of course it was the same crappy Korean beer, but the cool glasses and built in table coolers make it taste slightly less like goat urine. Elliot hated the place from the start, and once we left, he and Luka took off in a cab. But not before Elliot and JK jumped into a threesome with the German totem pole (see pic). JK, Shorty, Phil (the Korean) and me hit up another Korean bar, where they knew some of the waitstaff. They had some soju and some 151 with us, and then Phil gave them a passionate kiss goodbye. I guess that's how it works here - you can't be shy. Of course, these bars don't count towards the total (note the title "Songtan Pub Crawl), but the new experience was refreshing.

We headed back to the Songtan and The Giant for a nightcap, and then called it a night. Next weekend is a long weekend, and because it's a Korean holiday, traveling is not advised. Sounds like a good time to knock out some of the remaining 34.

"How'd You Find This Place, Man?"

1) Mach One

2) UNClub

3) Lions Den

4) Jam

OK, so Friday finally arrived, and I was ready to booze. It's been a long week - between dealing with a top secret visit, and coping with looking at three batting practice fastballs right down the middle for a strikeout, it was time to rip it up. We started at Mach One. Now I know why the ER gets all those alcohol poisoning patients. This place had $20 drink til you drop specials. We didn't partake, but it's something to keep in mind. They had a bread machine (second bar to have this, wtf?), in case you're in the mood for some sourdough with your beer. The rock music was pretty good, that is until Nickelback came on. And you know my rule - either we leave or I turn into the Incredible Hulk and destroy the place.

UNClub was next. Straight juicy bar. Well-fed juicy bar, I might add. JK diffused that awkward situation by telling the juicies we were cops. Yea, they didn't bother us the after that. A little later a couple juicies hopped on stage with a guitar and bass and jammed out some dance songs to prerecorded tracks. Now mind you, these songs are terrible as is, let alone with some human-trafficked juicies trying to play them. Terrible. That and the lack of air conditioning in a basement bar forced us to leave that place in a hurry.

Then we headed to Lions Den. I had been there with the hashers, but we decided to knock this one out as a group. A lot of folks in there, but unfortunately most of them were loud, large girls or dudes with cowboy hats. Lots of country music to complement the scenery. We waited for the ladies to finish their cosmos and then we were out. We weren't sticking around for the bull riding competition.

Last of the newbies was Jam. It was a third floor bar and was advertised as Old School*Rap*RnB*Food. We decided to check it out, and noticeably lightened the place up, if you know what I mean. The bartender asked "How'd you guys find this place, man." Regardless, we had some drinks, played some pool, and took a picture. It was a nice relaxing atmosphere, with some good RnB jams to mellow the mood. Perfect if you're thinking of seducing a girl up there (note to self). The unisex bathroom was nice enough to take a crap in (also note to self). But we weren't exactly feeling welcome here, and moved along to some repeats for the remainder of the night.

150 bars my ass. We're up to 76 and I don't think there's many more. The end is near, disciples!

Pretty Boring Weekend

Friday:
1) Hustler
2) Cream
3) Wa Rock
4) Playoff
5) Lazy Daze
6) First Class Club

Saturday:
7) Shooters

Very uneventful overall. No one bar to tell a story about and no camera this weekend, so no pics...sorry.

The highlights overall...Hustler had juicies that you could picture in a Hustler Magazine, in the Beaver Hunt section. Cream had Apple Pie shots that were decent, but expensive. Also they had a tiny pool table, just right for Shorty to play on. Wa Rock was pretty much mid-crawl shit. Empty and boring. But they had a picture of Lee Harvey Oswald on the wall, so they were OK in my book. Play Off was horrible!!!! Flat crappy beer. Lazy Daze Featured 6 juicies and the 4 of us. We managed to "borrow" a souvenir though. First Class had tiny drinks that were weak. Saturday we hit one more new one. Shooters had Alarm Black playing. Their old lead singer was much better. They put on a decent show, but they try waaaaaaaay to hard to try and "look" like they are into the music. Silly faces and stuff. Also, they have like 20 different people that come out of the crowd to swap out with band members. If I could offer advice to them it would be to stick with one line up and learn the damn songs. A music stand with words to the songs looks pathetic and high school garage bandish.

Slow Couple of Motorboat Free Nights

1) Chae's Lounge
2) High Jinks
3) Crazy

So, it was a very slow couple of nights, with a fair amount of repeats, but we'll cover the new ones.

Friday we found ourselves on the prowl for a new location to mow down. We were walking the streets and strolled past Chae's Lounge. Inside were about 15 dudes singing a parody of "I Wanna Be Sedated". Their words were "We just masturbated" and they had the obligatory up and down or "jacking it" hand gestures to go along with it. What a bunch of frigging queers. We were tempted to avoid it all together, but when we cycled back through it was empty. So we knocked it off of the list while the homo patrons were gone.

We went out of the main strip to hit High Jinks next. It was very expensive. 2 thousand more per drink than other places run. Pretty crappy music, very few people, off of the main path and expensive drinks means we won't be going back anytime soon.

Saturday found us in 1 more new bar. We had been promised that boobies and motorboat contests were held in Crazy...alas it was an old mammasan and a dumpy little waitress..and us. The bathroom was very difficult to find and even hard to find the bar after you leave the bathroom. You had to go out through a small locked door. The pisser was a hole in the floor. On the way back in the door had re-locked. Since they could not hear my knocks through the glass screen door that covered the other door and was also locked...Well, I have a few nicks on my knuckles, we'll leave it at that. All I want to know is where is my motor boat?

There's A Flag On The Field...Looks Like A Party Foul On The Rookie!

1) Touchdown -- oh wait they were not open...
1a.) Triangle Bar
2) Beer Bunker
3) Club Pulse
4) Hideaway
5) Hilton Club
6) Wingz
7) Stereo
8)Power Club

Wow...where to begin? So the Don was kind enough to give a couple more rookies a try out...These 2 came to play though. We started the evening at the Touchdown Club...well we tried to anyway. Lights were on, music was playing, big screen going on, windows open...except it was like strolling into a couple of Korean's living room. They apparently weren't open and the people seemed offended that we would even try and come in.

So, We started the evening at the Triangle bar. Gay name but good bar. The drinks were big and potent. The place was huge and had a "Mafia" room in the back area that the Don was able to make use of. We had to coax the rookies at first, but they decided they were ready to come out of the bullpen and get a few innings of work in.

Off the beaten path and down the side alley we hit the Beer Bunker. It was pretty crowded. Their bathroom was halfway up/down the stairs... a little odd, but even odder that the Don liked to pee with the door open so everyone could stare at him taking a leak. JK, not to be out done layed a deuce in the same can, with the door open.

Club Pulse was next on the agenda and I'm pretty sure one of the rookies ditched us about this point. It was hard to find, but a good bar overall. Good looking waitstaff in basketball jerseys for uniforms. A great bar for shouting at people on the main strip. We watched some poor drunk bastard try several times to make it up and down the stairs across the street. Heckles gave the man a rash of crap. I am very surprised somebody didn't come up and slap her...she went at them pretty good. A lot like the Don when he's drunk with a lipper packed at a Yankee game.

Heckles was proving to be a pretty decent rookie...and then it happened...Hey, wanna roll with us? Thanks Heckles!...Thanks a heap. We also had to hide Paddington because his ole lady was out and almost saw him boozin.

The Hideaway was our next victim. A very small bar, but they had a balcony. More party fouls committed here, but on the visiting team, none of our players. A little E-CB issue that the Don was not too thrilled about.

Hilton was OK, nothing spectacular, but it's off the list. Just a regular bar.

We made it to Wingz and things get fuzzy after that. Heckles was kind enough to buy a round of shots...3 Wisemen. For the non-partay-peoples that would be a mix of Jim, Jack and Jose. Luka was on his period and couldn't drink a shot, even though it was his recommendation to buy them. I knocked his back too. We couldn't leave one on the bar after Heckles was nice enough to buy them.

We hit Stereo next. Another crappy juicy. Lame clientele. 30 year old"boys" backwards hats looking to bang juicies. Luka and I ruined their games though. We assured the juicies that nobody on base liked those 2 guys because they were "same-same". So when they come back, they will have trouble convincing people they are not gay...Turn your f&^king hat around ya mook!

We parted ways about this time and Luka and I needed a drink to relax after a long night of Pub Crawling, so we stopped at Power Club. I know, it sounds more like Paddington's kind of place. A place to work your guns and look at sweaty men, but it was a juicy bar. They were like polar bears in the Arctic. They seemed to be hungry and going to attack anything. Very aggressive! Luka punched one and screamed "Impossible is nothing!!!" and then kicked the poor girl. I probably would not have kicked the pregnant one, but hey...